alone in the dark alley

heh. dont ask me how come my recent entry are all so like ''go-away-la'' kinda.
i dunno either.
is just that.. maybe i'm just learning.
learning not to be so temperamental infront of my friends
trying to just hide all my anger or maybe a lil portion of sorrows
when i'm out there.
although i might still show a lil. pardon me. i'm still learning.
so no choice. you cant always expect me to be the
sweetnicelady everywhere i go.
be it outside or at home. NO!
please let me rant when i'm at hommeeee..


morning was alright. laughed at all the lamest stuffs.
although i alrd tried not to. cos it hurts. BIG ULCER. -ouchhh-
but when i'm like bloghopping ardd..
suddenly visited her blog which made me feel kinda. down?
althought we are once so close.
drifttt apart.
but i thought we're still remembered.
but somehow. we're not.
aint important. not even mentioned.
we tried REALLY. i swearr.
no matter what. she's still glued up there. in my head.
never have she been forgotten.
okayyy..
maybe thats the second thing i should start learnin right nowww..
frens come and go...
never ask fer any return.
uuu stand alone. u urself. so u just have to be independent.
if u cant. you just have to learn to.
u cant expect anyone to be there right beside uuu
leading the life u're leadin. always there to lend a shoulder..
NO. there wont be.
she have her own life too. u just have to face it.


alright. i admit.
i hate the feelings of being left alone.
i hate the feeling of treating someone as a buddy..
but nv the other other way rounddd.
how sad can that be.
i hate to have put in effort to keep her acc while i can.
tryin not to left her out.
but in the end i'm the one walkin behind alone.
not even any to be there.
the feeling just sucks. okayyy!!

fine.
like what yiqin says in her blog.
FRENS? how true are theyyy
some frens just got jealous when u get better and they start to
pass critism.
oh well. thats fren.
maybe fren are just ppl whom u find so u wont get bored. dont seems so pathetic.
maybe frens are just ppl whom share the same liking as you do.
so when u feel like tryin new style of clothes they boost ur courage to.
its better to have two weirdo den one.
idunno.


and whoever that dont understand ME.
i tell you right now!
if u're reading this u better know.
me. YES me.
i freakin hate to be alone. I HATE. thats me.
so if u wanna make mi feel like SHIT.
u can just bloody hell leave me alone behind. and i think i'll
probably just die. ( but i'll curse u first )
but positively,
if u're someone nice. just keep me acc and i'll be alright. =)



# thanks jess, thanks fer listening to all my rants. LOVES.